Either this was pretty dense or I am, or possibly both. 32’11” with the bottom half very much more slippery than the top. There’s a Dashiell Hammett/ Raymond Chandler thing going on here, with a couple of slices of American slang which would sound pretty good snarled by Bogart in full Philip Marlowe mode, and a likely sounding dame at the bottom left (try pronouncing her with a D instead of a T). I’m convinced it would be possible to write a pastiche crime story featuring almost every word in the grid, though I’m not at all sure that the cocktail would be one enjoyed by our main protagonist. The dame might like it. Or that piece of skirt with the mafia connections and a penchant for ham.
As for me, I blundered my way around the dark and rainy sidewalks of the grid until I’d twisted every last clue into some sort of shape, and here’s the story of how I cracked the case of the empty grid.
Across
1 GUSHIEST most voluble
An invited one is a GUEST, and quiet gives you the SH, one gives you the I for your guest to keep. “You talk too damn much and too damn much of it is about you.” RC
5 SIDE ON in profile
Add EON for age to a S(mall) passport, which is an example of ID
8 MID-MORNING Around 10 or 11
Probably depends on when your morning starts. Separate the numbers from the D(eutsch)M(arks), tack on the O(ther) R(anks), which are men, and the two abbreviations acquire a surrounding MINING, which digging could properly be.
9 MUSH triple definition
A command to husky dogs; features, (British?) slang for a person’s face; mawkishness or sentimentality.
10 HOLD ONE’S TONGUE keep mum
Not hard to work out what the answer must be, but tricky to gather together the anagram fodder. OLD HOUSE ON GET and N(ame. “Off the wall” is the instruction to give the letters a quick whiz in the blender.
11 EMBLEMS tokens
Unfinished perfume gives SMEL(l), the note is ME (more commonly mi) and the book just the B. insert part 3 into parts 1 and 2 and reverse all as per instruction.
13 MINDSET thinking normally
Which I took to mean thinking in the way that you usually do, which might not, of course, be normal at all. Watches=MINDS, the rest is a two letter film, so that’s ether If… or ET. Guess which.
15 EGG ROLL fare
This one gave me perhaps the most trouble because I failed to separate flat and fare, It had to be EGG ROLL, but they’re by definition roundish. And how was render ROLL? (Sound of cent dropping) it’s render flat, as in roll out .
18 CABBALA special scripture reading
One of six possible spellings (Shakespeare would have added a few more) of the arcane reading of Hebrew scriptures. Ask Madonna: she knows all about it. CA(lifornia), this time not the more familiar Cal, plus two B(ishops) and À LA for “prepared with” as in à la Florentine, with spinach.
21 IT’S A SMALL WORLD fancy meeting (you here assumed)
Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine. And orders a Sea Breeze, And I’m fresh out of cranberry. There goes the beginning of a beautiful friendship. OK, do it this way. Take the T off the end of point, and surround it with IS AS (like) MALL (arcade) WORLD (globe) You can get into all kinds of tangle by trying to put the globe outside everything else. I did.
22 OSLO location
A bogglingly vague definition. Select odd letters as instructed from Or SeLdOm
23 OXYGEN TENT this
It’s a bit of an &lit. To get it, you have to accept the whimsy of bovine becoming OXY, like an ox. Fellow is GENT, the hospital department is the ever faithful E(ar) N(ose) and T(hroat)
24 MYRTLE maybe miss
Reverse hidden (quite well) in hotEL TRY Motel
25 MEATHEAD Idiot
MEAT sounds a lot like meet, run into. Van is the HEAD of a military column. I wanted it to be BUTTHEAD, but the city at 18d didn’t seem likely with a final U.
Down
1 GUMSHOE Possible US version of Morse
Morse is a fictional detective (like you didn’t know?), and his American cousin would be a GUMSHOE. GUM for stick, and an Oxford is not just Morse’s stamping ground, but also a style of SHOE. Morse did crosswords, but not, I think, this one.
2 SADDLEBAG storage place for bicycles
I wanted shed somewhere in here, but this is a storage place on a bicycle not for one. Blue is SAD, and the rest is an anagram of GABLED
3 ISOTOPE Element in certain form
Proper bit of science. Very=SO, first=TOP, that is=IE, combine and contain as instructed.
4 SUNLESS dark
A straight construction of S(afe) and UNLESS for except if.
5 SIGNORINA Girl from Parma, maybe.
The location and the wordplay ensure your second N is not a T. Passing by (briefly) gives you IGNORIN(g) and “it” (as in the It girl) is crossword convention for S(ex) A(ppeal)
6 DEMIGOD issue of Mercury
There were many, many of them: Mercury/Hermes seems to have been fairly frisky in his time. Reverse DOG (follow) and I’M ED, the newspaper man’s self introduction.
7 OBSCENE blue
Not in the sense used in 2. O(ld) B(oy) for former pupil, SCENE for something painted, a pretty vague indication, I thought.
12 MILESTONE Pillar
As it might be.Take SMILE for beam, causing the first letter to fall to the bottom, and then add TONE for “pitch”
14 SEA BREEZE cocktail
Made with vodka, cranberry juice and grapefruit juice (really? Yuck). I took SEA to mean host as in looking out over a sea of faces. Any better suggestions welcome. BREEZE for a simple task, that sort of piece of cake. Not a slice in sight.
16 GAINSAY dispute
A simple joining of GAIN (achieve) and SAY (Influence)
17 RESHOOT Do take over
Filmspeak here: do a “take” over again. A rearrangement of OTHERS and 0 (nothing)
18 COLOGNE city
Tricky if “record” makes you think LP, EP, disc or tape. Solid is CONE, the inserted record is in this case a LOG. Does that make scents?
19 BOWKNOT decorative fastening
Went in on wordplay of BOW for buckle (pronounced bough) and TONK for clobber, smite, raised or reversed. I think from the description it’s what I use to tie my laces, but it didn’t feel familiar.
20 AUDITED not cooked
Hm. OK. I’ll hold the cynicism. Anagram of DID TEA and (men)U
Such an enjoyable workout, I don’t even feel too bad about fouling up on the ‘signorita’.
Slowed up in the SE, LTI being BOWKNOT and MEATHEAD.
I guess AUDITED should mean not cooked, but it doesn’t seem to work that way in practice.
Good fun puzzle, and the usual high-standard blog from the Z man.
I’d class CABBALA as obscure and I’m not sure I have ever heard of BOWKNOT in my life (both words are underlined in red as I type this, which I take as support for my comment). And GAINSAY went out with the Ark. Shame I didn’t get that one sooner or it would have saved me wasting what seemed like hours trying to justify FIG ROLL at 15ac. I resorted to aids eventually and even then had serious doubts for a while that I would ever finish.
Edited at 2014-08-07 05:14 am (UTC)
Mr Vibrating Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position.
Man But it isn’t just saying ‘No it isn’t’.
Mr Vibrating Yes it is.
Man No it isn’t, Argument is an intellectual process … contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of anything the other person says.
Mr Vibrating No it isn’t.
There’s a Myrtle in Red Harvest, who doubtless frequented sleazy motels (she did help cover up a murder so she’s no better than she ought to be).
And as any self-respecting conspiracy theorist would tell you it’s pretty much a straight line from Cabbala to the Maltese falcon (via the Knights Templar, naturally)
Great fun all round.
The across lights read like a collection of late sixties rock bands: I think Myrtle Meathead was the singer with Egg Roll Cabbala on their Emblems Mindset album.
40 minutes and well worth the effort.
Can’t see IT’S A SMALL WORLD without thinking of the Disney World ride and the annoyingly catchy song which it plays.
Grrrr.
Incidentally, it’s not just the disney ride. Half the electronic toys my kids had seemed to have that tune.
Edited at 2014-08-07 12:40 pm (UTC)
I admit I raised an eyebrow at the “not cooked” definition for AUDITED, but I could see where the setter was coming from so no real quibbles. All in all a very enjoyable puzzle, as was Z8’s blog.
Of all people, Chief Justice Roberts of the US Supreme Court wrote an opinion not all that long ago in Hammett/Chandler-speak. Apologies if this gets spammed. http://lawhaha.com/justice-roberts%E2%80%99-gritty-detective-drama/
Your first para reminds me of a pet annoyance that Perry Mason has been clued as ‘detective’ in the Times puzzle on more than one occasion.
On return, saw that 16dn need not begin with a vowel, got GAINSAY, when remaining acrosses fell in short order. LOI 14dn – I don’t like ‘host’=’sea’ at all, so had to verify from list of cocktails in Bradford.
Thanks very much for the excellent blog z8.
It was a fine puzzle, where you really have to use the cryptics to get the answers.
I agree with vinyl1 that the answers could be got from close scrutiny of the clues (plus a bit of lateral thinking, abandoning one’s mindset).
I got a bit becalmed and couldn’t find a way back in but I hadn’t looked at 24 so Myrtle came to my rescue.
Re Vinyl’s comment about needing wordplay 6 of the acrosses went in on def and checkers with wordplay unliquidised post-solve.
Thanks to S&B.
I was expecting Ulaca to proclaim that he doesn’t like Chandler given his dislike of Wodehouse. For me they’re very similar in that the plot is incidental and the beauty is in the dialogue and prose.
“She smelled the way the Taj Mahal looks by moonlight.”
“I’m an occational drinker, the kind of guy who goes out for a beer and wakes up in Singapore with a full beard.”
“The General spoke again, slowly, using his strength as carefully as an out-of-work show-girl uses her last good pair of stockings.”
The trouble is that I’ve been tackling lots of old-style Times puzzles recently and enjoying the brevity and wit of their clues. Here the clues were generally too convoluted for my taste – in particular the long across answers both took me some time to sort out exactly how they worked – and over all there was nothing about this puzzle that said to me “this is a Times crossword” rather than one from any of the other (ex) broadsheets.
In short I resigned my oompa-loompa job in May before they accused me of gross misconduct – essentially trying to help people which was outside the rules & regs. So I was lucky to be able to resort to my former tutelary occupation and team lead 2 groups of 7 examiners for 2 A Level papers. I like doing it properly but that means it redefines ‘time-consuming’.
I’m now back in circulation and am just about to blog Friday’s quickie which I did this morning 🙂